Friday, October 04, 2002

*... it's quiz time! ...*
So as students prep for testing, I thought I'd give you a little quiz too... Answers are in the Comments.

*1* What is the biggest danger so far?
a) 100 yen (or better, 88 yen!!) shops on payday
b) riding a bike, wearing all black, at night, in the rain
c) Lyon's and other alluring cake shops
d) trying to control myself from not clapping a hand over the mouths of the eigo no senseis that speak no eigo and are teaching their students jibberish

*2* Order the following scenarios I have encountered at work from easiest to laugh off to most difficult to muster a smile:
- the smell in the teacher's bathroom
- being called "mee-stah"
- having the drunk judo sensei tell me he wants to teach me judo, no gi required
- having my perfectly sober supervisor tell me that he'd like to see me in a bathing suit later, privately
- being told I resemble an ugly man

*3* what is the rudest thing, in my opinion, that you can do regarding bike etiquette?
a) walk in the bike lane
b) wear a skirt while riding
c) use an umbrella while riding
d) run people over

*4* Who is the most popular character?
a) Hello Kitty
b) Winnie the Pooh
c) Snoopy

*5* Including futons, blankets, foam mats, pillows, clouds, etc... how many layers of things do I use to make my bed nightly?
a) 1
b) 4
c) 7

GAMBATTE!

12:41 PM
*... meee-stah ...*
Once again, the people at this school has put me into a sort of hazy shock. And this time, not from curiously groping students...

These poor kids, they have to stand and do aisatsu (greetings) at the beginning and end of every class. In English, it is sheer torture --

teacher: Hai, Good morning class!
students, in chorus: Good morning Mee-stah Watanabe/Tsumura/Tanaka/Ohtaki...
teacher: how are you? / what is the weather like?
students: I am fine, thank you. And you? / Eet is sunny.
teacher looks at me, expectantly. So I sigh, and say: Good morning, everyone.
students: Good morning, MEE-STAH... ((they sort of trail off... not sure what to call me, or realizing they just called me MR.))

Happens EVERY time. The teacher and I start saying "no, no, no!" and then the teacher says "Good morning, Miss Britt (or Britt sensei, or a combination)." Yesterday, I was walking back into the teacher's room with one of the teachers I had just taught with, and he was still laughing about it, and decides to tell the entire staff about how funny it is that everytime I walk in or out of class, I am called "Mee-stah". AND THEN the teacher that sits beside me says

'That is because you are so ugly.'

uhh, 'scuse me?
I laughed it off, and said, "They are just so used to saying Mr. ..." And she said "No, students think you are an ugly man. So they call you one." I kind of looked at her sideways, as if I was trying to twist her words into some sort of cultural divide and not a blatant insult, when she tells the other teachers, in Japanese, that I am ugly... and they start laughing, and agree that i look like a man.

uhh, come again?
Now I am not saying that I am a super-model or anything, but I know I am not ugly. And I especially ain't havin' it from some old goat whose teeth are so yellow/black and rotted from each other you can stick a quarter thru 'em, and can use the bags under her eyes for a 3-month journey. Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't sink to her level, but give me a break! Maybe by her messed up standards, I am the ugliest thing around. Who knows. Either way, I'll bet she doesn't have students fondling HER. Not that that should be a measure of worth, but it makes me feel a LITTLE better, at least.
12:35 PM

Thursday, October 03, 2002

*... for the love of words ...*
I have had 2 of the eigo no senseis that I work with (luckily the 2 that speak English very well) decide to, quite independently, translate my name into kanji and give me the meaning:

* B (dance) - RI (person) - TTAN (purity) = "Dancer who is pure of mind" (ha!)
and
* B (dance) - RITTA (plum tree) - N (under) TRO (smile) - ZZ (face) - I (light) = "Dancing alone under a plum tree, face full of smile that is a beacon of light."

I'm not making this stuff up.
3:54 PM

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

*... wicked witch of the far east ...*
Okay, so I am not really wicked. And I am not technically a witch. But dang if I didn't feel like my bike and I weren't going to be picked up and blown away straight into the heart of Kansas by the TYPHOON that decided to roll through the country yesterday. I was sitting at school, minutes before I was to go home, scowling at the rain that was starting outside, when I hear one little word from the principal... My head snapped over to where he was sitting, and Sakai-sensei, the music teacher who doesn't speak a lick of English, but is the sweetest lady just the same, must have noticed my surprise, because she said, "Buritto-san (my name in Japanese... haha, very funny : p), otenki wa typhoon desu... daijobu ka?" which is basically "hey, heads up, typhoon's a-comin'..." (okay, not an exact translation, but that's the gist). All I could really squeak out was "honto?" (really?) and she said "honto!!" and seemed absolutely delighted that we were about to be whipped and pelted by the weather in a few short hours. Her joy lasted until I said "kyoo wa jitensha de gakkoo e kimashita." >> I came to school today by bike. They were all very sympathetic... and amused.

Sad for me.

Even worse, Tuesday is my grocery day (97 yen groceries will make me go into a typhoon.) So I hightailed it home, grabbed the longest rain coat I had, grabbed a hat, and hightailed it to the store in the horizontal rain. Although I was soaked to the core and dripping, I at least got the groceries and made it home without a) being run over by the crazy rain drivers (I was head to toe in black, and it was incredibly dark outside) and b) falling off the bike, which is more than I can say for some poor souls who got blown clear off their jitensha (bike) and right into the rice field. And this morning, it stopped raining enough for me to make a break for school, or so I thought. But it has been incredibly clear as a summer day, with no rain in sight. And I WALKED to school. I hate walking to school! I could have taken my trusty steed. Stupid typhoon.
11:43 AM

Sunday, September 29, 2002

*... stupid! stupid! stupid! ...*
here's a little fun with interactivity. Raise your right hand in front of your face, so the heel of your palm is at the height of your forehead. Proceed to thrust the heel of your palm into your forehead, not forgetting to remove and thrust again. Repeat 3 times while uttering "stupid..." in a low voice. ((NOTE: those familiar with the one-thrust "doh!" similarity must not be fooled to stop after only one thrust.))

Now you know how I feel.

And what, you may ask, brought on this self-lambasting? Well, food, of course. Food is apparently the way I relate to the world. And today I wandered into a store called Meidi-ya and immediately regreted it. Okay, maybe 'wandered' isn't the right term. 'Deliberately sought out' would probably be more appropriate... but less effective in the sympathy arena. Anyway, Meidi-ya is a cruel ploy to lure poor gaijin into it's tempting folds of aisle upon aisle of familiar foods, then taunt the gaijin with its ridiculously ludicrous prices. In this store I was able to find so many of my favorites, it made me homesick for the first time since I have been here. I mean sure, I miss you all, but I haven't, until now, had a physical reaction of feeling the longing. Check this out: about $5 for a pack of Hershey Kisses, $7 for some sour cream, $12 for a 6 pack of Corona, $6 for box of Devil's Food Cake mix (which I almost gave in for, but remembered I have no oven.) But never, in a million years, would I pay 220 yen for a can of Campbells tomato soup, 435 yen for some egg noodles, and 580yen for some cheese, despite this being my absolute most favortist meal in the whole world.

Nostalgic note: when I was little, my mom used to make said meal, and I would eat a giant bowl of it, and ask for more, and I would always get shot down because I was only a little kid, and there was no way I could eat any more without getting sick. Yet I would beg and beg, and finally someone would cave and serve me up some more, which I would wolf down and promptly get ill, rolling around about my stomachache. Happened everytime. But I LOVE the stuff.

The Japanese idea of soup consists of miso and corn chowder. That's it. Not exactly the welcoming warmth I am looking for on these recently rainy and flu-hazed days. And seeing the soup today just made me want to cry, since I seriously was craving it, but would kick myself spending that much yen for it. So I of course consoled myself in my latest favorite bakery, Lyons. This place is right down the street from me, has this strawberry chocolate mousse cake that was heavenly, PLUS the lady started throwing in all these extras with my order last time. I think maybe it was b/c it was late and they were closing, but that's a good way to win my heart anyday.

So, my dear friend, I am having to beat myself up for going into the store (Meidi-ya, not Lyons) and being reminded that in order to have a little taste of home, I would have to pay exhorbitant amounts of money, which is just not worth it in the long run, ESPECIALLY since I know that a care package, made with love and containing things like soup, egg noodles, chocolate chips, JellO and/or pudding mix, tortilla chips, pasta sauce, instant popcorn, altoids, etc (you know, all my favorites) will soon be arriving on my doorstep from you.

AHEM.

5:09 PM