*... everyone around me is a total stranger...everyone avoids me like a psyched lone ranger...everyone... ((turning japanese, i think i'm turning japanese, i really think so)) ...*
Saturday, August 03, 2002
*... it's not you, it's me ...* Now I know in my heart that the relationships that matter will always be there, with time and distance being irrelevant factors. But sometimes it's hard to have the faith in my head to have the patience to believe the faith in my heart. As my departure date approaches, a certain panic is starting to settle in me that if I leave now, certain relationships may be doomed and lost forever. And then my heart sends out the valiant attempt to soothe my head by pumping "well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and nothing can change that" and "if it ends like that over something like this, it's probably not a connection that would have stayed if you stayed" and other such soma-laden cliches. I suppose these relationships that are not only strained with the news as to the implications that we won't be so close (literally and maybe even figuratively) but are also currently clouded by the shock of suddeness of the news will just have to work themselves out with time. And I've learned am learning to be patient. ... Ironically enough (again), here's my horoscope:
The Gemini moon brings harmony even to strained relationships. Trying to get a lover to return? Make phone calls, write apologies or just "happen" to run into this person. Reconciliations work out well.
*... and all the simple things are simply too complicated for my life ...* This seems to kind of be a theme for me as of late. As I look around my room (dreaded packing... ugh.) I wonder if I live in excess. I mean, sure I do, compared to people who have nothing, really. But I'm forced to examine my own excessive-ness because of International Airline Capacity Regulations. I am allowed to bring one piece of (limited size, limited weight) luggage and one carry-on. So everything I will need to start my new life in Japan better fit in that. And really what I need to bring, which is clothes (I've pretty much determined that I will not fit into Japanese women shirts, pants, underwear, socks, or shoes... if you have any idea of what I look like, you'll know why.) and omiyage, which are gifts to be given to everyone I meet. And their neighbor. Literally. Let's just say that I will be traveling with a lot of underwear, alcohol, and beef jerky.
Which of course makes me long for my "excess" here. I sleep with 6 pillows. 13 lotions are sitting on my dresser. I have 20-something pairs of shoes (less than before! down with excess!) and 30 something handbags of sorts. All of which I use. All of which I could, technically, have shipped to me, but do I really want to deal with all of that in my new apartment, which, as Cecily pointed out, will probably be the size of my karate bag. Just thinking about dealing with it makes me tired.
So it started making me think about the things I'll miss. Of course, top of the list was YOU, dear one. And then coming up next was YOU again. And then carne asada and salsa fresca and other fine delicacies of the mexican cuisine (yeah, YOU just barely edged out the California burrito. congratulations). I'll miss my San Diego; born, raised, and rooted here (well, apparently not SO rooted). And mostly I come back to missing YOU again, and the little personal touches that keep me sane, like cell-phone messaging (and even the 1 AM phone calls) and Monday/Wednesday social hours (aka karate "practice") and just getting doses of the important people in my life in various forms... usually involving food.
My horoscope for today:
Only by being clear-headed will you arrive at the right choice. The home front may not be as quiet as you'd like, but try to rest. Tomorrow is one of those early-bird-gets-it days.
*... say 'moshi, moshi' to *b-hoshi*! ...* Welcome to *b-hoshi*, the follow-along log of *britt’s* adventure in Japan. You probably have a few questions, so let me see if I can fill you in…
Q:WHAT?! You’re in JAPAN?? A: Well, no, not yet. But I will be. In about 19 days (eeeek!!)
Q:Why the fat will you be in Japan? A: 3 words: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Hehehe. No, not really. I was offered a tremendous opportunity to teach English in Japan. So I guess I should say: OPPORTUNITY, OPPORTUNITY, OPPORTUNITY. But that’s a little redundant.
Q:When did this all happen? A: In reality, in the most opportune AND inopportune time! I was rolling along, life was good, set to take a made-just-for-me, fabulous brand new job starting July 22, when I get a phone call on the 18th and change the entire direction of my life. I found out where I was going on July 29th, and I will be receiving information on where I’ll be living, etc. hopefully very soon!
Q:Where will you be? A:Niigata City, on the western side of Honshu, along the Sea of Japan. And yes, it snows there. This SoCal girl was NOT consulted on this!
Q:Can I come visit? A: You’d better, sucka.
Q:How long will I have to be missing you? A: My contract is for one year, but there’s the possibility of me staying for more. Will I? I don’t know. But if the pastries are as good as their reputation, then I might be there forever (I’m a stickler for sweets ).
Q:Umm, hey whitey-white girl, you’re going to a foreign country… do you even speak Japanese? A: chotto. (translation: either “a little bit” or “not so much”... depending on your optimistic/pessimistic point-of-view!)
Q:What the heck does ‘hoshi’ (pronounced “hoe-she”) mean? A: If you know me at all, you can probably guess. But for those of you who are Japanese or *britt* illiterate, ‘hoshi’ means ‘star’. "b-star" is a nickname given to me by some very dear friends (go W.A.C.M.!!)
Q:How did this FABULOUS website come to be? A: Through the genius of my fabulous fabulous webmastering roommate, Big D!
Q:How often should I check here? A: I have no idea what my access will be, but I'll be posting stories and pics and other adventure tidbits as often as possible!
So that should help clear things up. If not, email me at bitobritt@hotmail.com and I will try to answer your queries. ((and may I point out what a big fan I am of basic HTML coding... never thought that stuff would stick...))
BOOKMARK THIS PAGE! CHECK BACK OFTEN! SEND ME MONEY! (err…)
* eYeS/hAiR/wEiGhT. brown/reddish?/yes. * cUrRenT wHeReAbOuTs. back back to cali, cali * bEdTiMe. my body has decided to forgo sleep for now. * fOoD. it has also decided it's anti-food. * pHrAsE. ahh! too many people speaking English! * mOoD. i feel weird, yo. Like twilight zoney, in another world weird. * tUnEs. i get to listen to the radio in my car again! * qUoTe: "whereas i am trying to read in the succession of things presented to me every day the world's intentions towards me, and I grope my way, knowing that there can exist no dictionary that will translate into words the burden of obscure allusions that lurks in these things."
*"One, seven, three, five -- The truth you search for cannot be grasped. As night advances, a bright moon illuminates the whole ocean; the dragon's jewels are found in every wave. Looking for the moon, it is here, in this wave, and in the next." Zen Master Hsueh-tou
* tHiNgS i WiLl MiSs... *
* kaori (kojima) and mariko, kaori (honma), marika and etsuko, setsuko, nakano and sakai (aka "the boys"), kelly, alan
* most of my students
* some of my teachers
* the Shin Ken Kan crew
* my granny bike (a little)
* speaking Japanese
* traveling
* tHiNgS i WoN't MiSs... *
* the staring
* the bus
* being bored outta my gourd
* sleeping on the floor
* the Japanese Way
* secondhand smoke
* the fashion
* jApAn, AkA tHe LaNd oF... *
* "We Don't Believe in Cilantro"
* "We Don't Believe in Towels"
* "Obscurely-Sized Paper"
* "Flouride is Foreign"
* "It's Rude to Eat on the Streets, but it is Perfectly Acceptable to Blow Smoke in your Face"
* "9am is Too Early for Stores to Open"
* "We Just Make the Technology, We Don't Use It"
* "Central Air? Never Heard of It. Central Heating? Nuh-uh. Heated Toilet Seats? Well duh, of course!!"
* "Deodor-what?"
* "Open 24Hrs = 7am - 10pm"
* "Our Knees Don't Freeze"
* "We Want to Speak Like Americans and Look Like Americans and Act Like Americans, But We Don't Actually Like Americans"
* "Hey, Free Beer!"
